The Bullshitter in the China Shop
My despair at the election results has as much to do with this impediment to women as it does with the man who, according to the Electoral College, won.
Read MoreExperiments in Sobriety
Alcohol is embedded in my life like an intrepid journalist is embedded with a battle-weary platoon. No wonder I fell into panicked palpitations when Ten asked me if I wanted to do Sober October with her.
Read MoreBrainstorming and the Cult of the Big Idea
There’s an aphorism that you hear in every advertising agency ever: Good ideas can come from anywhere. I’d like to amend that to: Good ideas can come from anywhere, with the likely exception of enforced group brainstorming sessions—unless of course cocktails are provided at said session, in which case, sure, maybe a good idea might happen, but probably not.
Read MoreHistory is Hillary
I remember some boy on the playground in grade school telling me that girls couldn't be the President.
Read MorePutting the 'tude in Solitude
With necessary heartlessness, I sheared him from my life. I scooped him out of my reality and splattered him on the curb. I moved to New York. I have not looked back.
Read MoreSpitting in the Sea
I have not (until now) joined in the glut of frustration and outrage that’s happening on social media. This does not mean I’m not horribly frustrated or that I’m in any sense un-outraged.
Read MoreSerenade This
They say love makes you crazy. And indeed, popular love songs essentially are the musical score to sociopathic behavior.
Read MoreGrocery Gladiators
A staff member was standing at the back of the room holding a sign that read: THIS IS THE END OF THE LINE, like she was a doomsday preacher in this Trader Joe's apocalypse.
Read MoreIn Defense of Copy
What happens when huge masses of people don’t think enough about something? Just ask the Republican Party.
Read MoreDunning, Kruger and Me
You think you're a paragon of intelligence and effectiveness, but actually you're a feckless mess who can barely cross a street without getting hit by a bus.
Read MoreSo long, San Francisco: a Thank-you note.
My life has happened here. I am who I am because of you, San Francisco. Whatever happens next started with you, and for that, I am and will always be grateful.
Read MoreVive la France. And the rest of the world too.
This is the new normal.
Read MoreMeanwhile, at the Corner of Bored & Desperate...
Welcome to the new dawn of your romantic adventures. Step right up to your opportunity to meet the like-minded, intelligent, and totes fuckable man of your dreams.
Read More2014's Greatest Hits
No one said you could have it all. And certainly nothing really ever turns out quite the way you think it will.
Read MoreA response to VICE's "Reasons Why SF Is the Worst Place Ever."
The obvious question is: why the hell do we live here, in this ruined city that, as VICE and others have deftly illustrated, has so obviously lost its soul? Why haven't we screwed off to Oakland or NYC or Los Angeles or Papua New Guinea or any number of less sucktastic, less obnoxious places?
Read MoreDirty Words
Because I wanted to be exactly like her, nail art and all, I decided that I, too, would one day write erotica on the side, and thus pave my road to financial security, whilst I toiled at meaningful novels and dark short stories.
Read MoreThe Mature Adult's Guide to Anger Management (Doesn't Exist).
From where you stood by the bar on the the west side of the room, the glassware would take a satisfyingly long flight before its explosive and cathartic termination upon the brick wall.
Read MoreRoll with It
She was tall and lean and on roller skates. The old-school high-top roller-disco kind with orange wheels.
Read MoreAiming for Strange
Laurie Anderson, Lou Reed, Howard Romano—just three of the countless individuals who have existed in this world to make it more interesting, to make it deeply, beautifully, intelligently, engagingly interesting.
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