A bloody mary, except with scotch and a raw egg.

A shot of tequila mixed with a paste of crushed aspirin and Tobasco.

Two stalks of celery: one filled peanut butter and raisins. The other used as sort of a duct for three ounces of Old Crow. Unless you got drunk on Old Crow. In that case use Cuervo. And if you got drunk on Cuervo, use Windex.

Take a hammer, brandish, bring down forcefully upon a tender extremity. Then smoke crack.

Bathe in oatmeal, except use grappa instead of water.

Mix three parts Clamato with one part buffalo semen, combine with vineagar and puree with Brussels sprouts. Heat and drink.

Run five miles. Works best if you are chased. Preferably by the police.

If hungover on a workday: DO NOT CALL IN SICK. Go to work three hours late, breathe on boss. Await refreshing lambast.

Cliff diving.